I didn’t plan to build anything this week. I wasn’t in a design sprint.
I was just trying to stay grounded, after being disrespected, gaslit, and stalked by the leader of in a culture connection group chat I had joined hoping to find community.
A friend of 2 decades invited me into this culture connection group chat.
From the outside, it looked promising: community, conversation, connection.
But very quickly, I realized I wasn’t with as open minded people as I’d hoped.
Not because of class or credentials.
Because there was no depth. No room for honesty.
No space for nuance or lived experience unless it was flattened into something status quo, shallow, or easy to mock.
I shared pieces of my reality—truths shaped by years of experience, self-directed learning, and a lifetime of business and endeavor successes.
But the moment I spoke outside their boxes, like every other post, I was called a conspiracy theorist.
I experienced a group of working-class adults dismiss everything they didn’t understand as “crazy” or “made up.” Including me.
As the conversation devolved, they slipped into their high school selves—bullying, mocking, and refusing to engage in real dialogue. They wouldn’t ask questions. They wouldn’t listen. They just labeled and laughed.
Clearly, I was in the wrong space.
If that sounds extreme—it is.
But it’s also not uncommon for those of us who live outside the dominant narrative.
You may not have experienced this personally—but this is how control and erasure often show up when you don’t fit the status quo.
This wasn’t new to me—but it’s a pattern many people never even recognize until it’s aimed at them.
Honestly, it’s part of why many unschoolers chose this path in the first place: because the status quo never had room for them either.
When I left, the group’s leader didn’t let me go with ease.
He stalked me!
Messaged me directly, days later, to argue about my identity.
Told me I hated myself.
Said he’d been “watching my kids” online.
And used photos of me without permission, inviting others to vote on my physical features without my consent.
It didn’t feel safe or new.
It felt like a pattern I knew too well.
Triggered
It brought me back to “He-UnNamed”.
The one I’ve never named publicly.
A childhood friend?
A groomer?
Actually, a handler.
My abuser.
Someone I once believed was my soulmate
because I’d inherited outdated ideas of what love was supposed to look like,
and what my role was supposed to be in this life as someone born with female plumbing.
He never showed me affection.
He never asked for consent.
He took what he wanted, often under the influence.
He assumed my body was his to access simply because I was present.
And because I didn’t know better, didn’t know what consent was,
didn’t know what boundaries were,
I didn’t know how to stop him when it happened.
And honestly?
I didn’t want to be the reason a person ended up in prison.
That silence,
That swallowing of self,
It was survival.
I hadn’t learned what boundaries even were until I was 36 years old when his daughter, ironically, explained it to me.
Processing
Triggered by the gaslighting and identity erasure from the group, “He-UnNamed’s” birthday approached. His controlling patterns now refreshed in my body,
reactivated by the group leader of the so-called “culture connection” chat, who had been stalking me, baiting me, and doing his hardest to coerce me back in, just to subject me to more of his abusive banter.
What’s worse is this man announced he’d charge the men in the group
$100 for access to the women!
He didn’t just suggest it, it was a threat!
As if he would be pimping us out in 2025.
And my body?
My body showed up ready to purge.
It began processing on its own.
Autopilot Healing
I was cleaning.
Refreshing my empty home, now up for sale.
While sweeping, my nervous system took over.
Without me trying to force anything,
I dropped into a Chi’Va session.
My eyes moved in a lateral pattern; following the broom.
My breath synchronized with the motion.
My spine engaged and aligned the way it does in Pilates, instinctively, without thought.
Old emotional sensations rose and began to shift.
Clarity arrived as I moved through the empty living room.
This wasn’t a scheduled Chi’Va session.
But what came of it was regulation and revelation.
It was 4.5 years of trauma healing, breathwork, yoga, Pilates, somatic study,
and Chi’Va’s system—living inside me
and working, even when I didn’t call on it intentionally.
Emergence
What happened that day wasn’t random.
It followed a pattern I’ve been practicing. One that Chi’Va had helped me map and internalize over years of healing.
As I swept, breathed, aligned, and released, I realized:
This wasn’t something I was doing on purpose.
It was happening to me. A new system of healthy internal patterns emerging.
A session had started.
Without scheduling it.
Without isolating myself in stillness.
Without needing the platform.
Out of that experience came what I now refer to as the Chi’Va On Task–Reset Protocol.
It doesn’t require gear.
It doesn’t demand quiet.
It doesn’t even need planning.
It’s built into how we live. And how we listen when our bodies know what’s needed and how to process and clear out harmful patterns.
“I am worthy of respect just as I am.”
That affirmation came at the end, from deep within me.
This practice drew on the same neurological systems behind EMDR, breath regulation, and movement integration.
It followed the logic of Chi’Va.
And it happened while I cleaned my floors.
That’s when I knew:
Chi’Va isn’t something we do.
It’s something we live.
Now, For the Why
I’m sharing this because someone else reading this might be on the edge of breaking down or shutting down.
Because the systems that have protected abusers, normalized coercion, and rewarded gaslighting aren’t hidden anymore.
Because we’ve been taught to be polite to save face;
to not make it uncomfortable,
to “keep the peace,”
even when we’re the ones being broken.
I’m sharing this now because those systems are cracking in public view:
Epstein. Diddy. Yet still not others who need to be exposed.
And if you’re someone who’s still piecing together your own experiences,
wondering if it “counts,”
wondering if it was your fault,
wondering if anyone else gets it—
this is your confirmation.
We Need To Heal In The Meantime
You don’t have to carve out extra time.
You don’t need to perform stillness.
You don’t have to disappear from life to heal.
Sometimes, your nervous system just needs permission to lead.
I don’t know what else to do but share my experience even in the middle of going through it.
That experience is releasing old patterns that have caused distress for the benefit of others.
The act of dropping into a transe and conducting the Chi’Va protocol while cleaning,
This is what my body did.
This is what yours might be asking to do too.
Don't resist.
If you don’t know how to listen, or what to do, Chi’Va is NOW here for you, no pressure.
Have you ever felt your body move toward healing before your mind caught up?
Let that be your cue today.
Even in motion, you can reset.
Even mid-task, you can work on deschooling yourself.