The Dream That Came True (But Didn’t Feel Like It)
Once upon a time, we were the ones who were “making it.” Degrees earned. Businesses built. Paychecks secured. Strategies executed with sharp vision and steady hands. We were the Go-Getters. Women who didn’t just dream, we acted and manifested. And when the day came that we no longer had to move, no longer needed to PROVE, it didn’t feel like success. It felt like silence.
A void that was once filled with bonus checks, promotions, sales tax we did want to pay for our success, a walk across a stage in cap and gown, a celebration from our parents praising us, even just an Ice Cream Party. This void can feel like failure. Like, as if we didn’t cross the invisible finish line.
It’s not that we failed. It’s that no one told us that success could feel invisible. Especially if we chose motherhood, family, or rest as the next chapter.
“I thought I had made it. But all I felt was stillness and guilt for not needing to strive anymore.” — Danii Oliver
We left careers. We closed businesses. We leaned into home life. We decided to unschool. And that shift ( that subtle, powerful, revolutionary shift ) was supposed to feel like a win. Instead, many of us found ourselves questioning if we had somehow lost the game.
The Addiction To Ambition
No one warns you how addictive striving is. We were trained to chase. And we got good at it. Promotions, pitches, campaigns, launches, all feeding a cycle of high-performance, external validation, and capitalist noise.
Even when we “retired” early from the system in our 30s either by choice, burnout, or design, we didn’t really stop. We just redirected the hustle inward. We planned our children's curriculums like corporate strategies. We ran households like growth phase businesses. We attacked hobbies or projects like startups. We measured our worth by how many activities we could fit into a week day.
“Being a go-getter is an addiction liken to chasing highs that you'll never hit again ( especially after success is achieved ) while you’re already on top of the world.”
— Danii Oliver
Even with the luxury of choice, the presence of our children, and the power of time, we were still chasing. We had not yet learned how to just be.
Stillness Is A Struggle
The unschool life is not performative. There are no tidy metrics, no staged check-ins, no fake awards. You can’t post about your kids being emotionally whole. It’s not algorithm feeding. You can’t hashtag your way through deep connection. That requires presence in the real world. #IRL when you lose your phone on purpose.
This life is not made for phony Instagram posts. This life is real.
But we weren’t trained for real. We were trained for optics. “Thanks G.E.B. school system.”
So when success stopped being visible to others, we questioned whether we were still successful at all. And yet, every day we wake up and live a life of comfort, joy, curiosity, and rest. Not just for us, but for our children too.
“Success isn’t riches in cash. It’s accomplishing our vision. A model for our kids. It’s the abundance, comfort, rest, and joy we worked for, if only we stop to smell the roses we planted.” — Danii Oliver
The Housewife Who Wins
There is nothing small about motherhood. Nothing passive about unschooling. Nothing minor about choosing to raise free, conscious, sovereign humans.
We’ve simply chosen a life of private wins.
And that means the celebration has to be internal.
The reward, rolling out of bed for brinner ( breakfast for dinner ).
“If you’re cleaning the kitchen, you’re managing the kitchen. If you’re managing the kitchen, you’re working.” — Fair Play
“I’m not unemployed, I’m a househusband.” — The Way of the Househusband
We are the strategic leaders of tiny sovereign beings. We’re still running companies, they’re just shaped like families with household budgets now. We still innovate daily. We just don’t get performance reviews anymore.
Well… we might but how much damage is a can complaints from our rug rats and partner really do? I am mean there’s no blacklist for moms is there?
And here’s the truth that took years for me to digest:
This is the other side of success.
Accepting Success Without The Show
At 40, ( this year ) I finally came to understand:
This wasn’t failure.
This wasn’t stagnation.
This was what I fought for.
This is what I worked so hard to buy back… time, freedom, choice.
And yes, it’s boring sometimes.
Yes, it’s quiet.
Yes, it’s not that interesting when viewed as an individual life.
News flash: life is just not that interesting as an individual. That’s why as humans, we are addicted to consuming stories, the lives of others we can not live in a single lifetime.
But when we zoom out; when we look at the legacy we’re building, the values, the rhythms, the emotional freedom we’re instilling in our kids, it’s more meaningful than any press feature or product launch could ever be. Those are lives that will keep living never becoming yesterday’s news cycle.
This Is A Transition
People call it a season. A pause. A break “between acts.”
But that’s a lie.
This is the act.
This is the life.
And it’s quietly extraordinary.
We are not waiting to return to who we once were. If you are… STOP!
because…
We are becoming who we were always meant to be.
So, throw yourself your own damn Ice Cream Party!
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